Trapped

Things aren't good.

I'm in a pretty dark space. Have been for the last 6 weeks.

I came home from work today and went to bed again.  Depression seems to be taking over me.
As I sit here and write all I can feel is deep hatred in my body. My skin is tight and crawling.
I want to hurt myself to make the pain stop. I feel trapped inside my body - trapped by my despair,  my rage, my hatred. I can't breathe. Overwhelm.

I don't know how to make it stop.  I tried to have a bath but couldn't relax. Couldn't let go.

I got out and thought that maybe writing it down might help.

Ultimately, I feel like walking death.  Why would God do this to me?

Why can't I go back to the spirit world, where there is no pain.

Maybe I'm sick beyond repair. I thought that I was getting better, but...

I'm not sure where to go next.

The thought of waking up tomorrow and doing another day like this kills me.

I hate my job. I hate myself and I hate God for letting it happen.

I have nothing else to say.